So much on my mind. School, kids, and health are my main concern! When something is on my mind heavily....I won't sleep. No matter how much I try to block them out or transmute, these little thoughts stay with me throughout the night. Negative feelings, pessimism, worry, fear, strange feelings.....then positive, funny, happy....back to negative again! The cycle continues...ughhh. I know many go through this but I don't want to be apart of that "many" that deal with this. Sitting in darkness, a few stars shine in the L.a. sky outside my window, baby peacefully sleeps in his crib, while I wonder what will tomorrow hold? Will my children be OK? Am I going crazy? What will happen to me with all this negativity in my mind? How do I stop it from affecting me day to day or night to night? That's when it hits me the most. Who knows my problems? My shame? My feelings of helplessness or vulnerability? How will they judge me or will they not care? Do I find a solution on my own or get professional help? Why am I concerned what others think? I don't! Then I do. Will I ever change? Can I? May I...when!God send your spirit to erase these negative thoughts that deprive me of sleep and peace of mind. Release me from this mental prison of "worrisome" thoughts and doubt. Feelings of hurt and betrayal hang over me. Show me which way to turn or what to pray or read to get me through...well out of this way of thinking that keeps me from sleep. All I want and need is peace.
- Jamie's mind
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