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| Never let another's negative words affect how you feel about yourself. |
All of us at sometime in our lives or throughout our lives have endured the pains of abuse. Whether it be from a co-worker, friend, relative or a complete stranger, no matter what it always has some kind of affect on us. It will mess with your self-esteem, confidence, fears and/or future relationship with others if you try to ignore it or just "brush it under the rug", it sticks!
Though constructive criticism may be useful sometimes when trying to help someone better themselves, it must be done with tact. It is not what you say but how you go about saying...If I say, "Your dress makes you look fat and boxy!", it is going to get a negative reaction from the individual that I am saying it to. Now, if I say, "You know you have great figure and that dress is really covering it up! I think you would look good in a more figure flattering dress best for your nice shape", then I might proceed to help the person look for some clothing that will look better and more complimentary to their body. See the difference! It is all about how you say it. Not everyone will be tactful like that though so you have to have tough skin.
Some people may just be more blunt than others and say stuff right off the top of their head and may not think things through but their intentions may have not been coming from a negative place. This is when we must differentiate whether this pure negativity, coming from a hateful and spiteful place or just honest constructive criticism used to be helpful.
Many of us are subject to verbal abuse and are unaware, feeling it is just "harmless mean words" (which would be an oxymoron) thinking it is OK to deal with day to day when it should NOT be! If you are constantly dealing with this from a person all the time then most likely they are being verbally abusive. Some people have to endure this so much that it becomes the norm for them, almost believing they deserve it-when they don't. Here are some signs that you are dealing with a verbal/emotional abuser:
- Name calling
- Ridicule over self expression
- Jealousy over friends or family
- Belittling your concerns or needs
- Berates your self confidence
- Says, "You're Too Sensitive"
- Gives you the silent treatment for unclear reasons
- Making impossible demands
- Outbursts of rage for no clear reason
- Frequent criticism or humiliation
- Makes fun of you in front of others
(A person may even do these above in a joking manner but it is still WRONG. Verbal abusers seek control, and not just your actions but your emotions as well.)
Remember to never put up with such abuse, life is to short to feel miserable because another person is unhappy with themselves and wants you to feel like crap too. Never give them power, it will eventually weaken and drain you!
Here are some articles that are helpful when trying to overcome hurt and pain of dealing with negativity:
- http://www.life-with-confidence.com/people-who-put-you-down.html
- http://www.calmdownmind.com/the-pain-of-emotional-hurt/
- http://tinybuddha.com/blog/how-to-deal-with-negative-people-or-difficult-people/
- http://www.bellaonline.com/articles/art39146.asp
Hope it will be of great use to you :-)
Have a blessed day.
